June 22, 2011

Identifying the Problem

Identifying the problem. Yeah, that's what is happening to me. For the past several months we have been struggling with some major, life changing financial difficulties. Along with that I have become overwhelmingly hit with despair, hopelessness and emotional and mental fatigue. Not to mention, lack of creativity.

But the biggest problem that has arisen is what has been happening for 20 years in my family's life. So this blog will be sorta of a journal if you don't mind of where I am at now and hopefully where God is leading and teaching me for the future.

I will make no bones about it my husband is an alcoholic. Full blown, practicing one and the devastating affects on my home, marriage and children is unmeasurable. So when my husband lost his job for 18 months and the bills piled up and accusations and frustrations started to fly, an awareness of my surroundings and life started to emerge.

It wasn't till the foreclosure and bankruptcy happened that an acute awareness of this debilitating disease surfaced and my despair swallowed up my life. I started emotionally and physically separating from my spouse. I moved into my daughter's vacant bedroom and set up my mini apartment, my emotional safe haven so to speak. It was were I could cry with out disturbance, read, sleep without the smell of alcohol laden air and just somewhere to find a small spot of peace.

But life wasn't good and I stopped talking and trying to have a normal relationship with my husband. I just shut down. I no longer tried repeatedly to get him to stop talking nor did I converse with him except on the absolute necessities regarding children and home. The overwhelming sense of despair was starting to take over and I felt like I was no longer bobbing my head above water, but sinking into the abyss. I realized fully of my problems when I went to renew a phone card and could not say one sentence coherently, I just didn't make any sense. After this terrible experience, I walked into our local book store and found my way into the Christian section searching for Amish romance novels, my mental escape. But God had better plans for me and led me to a self help section and there it was, a book on "Boundaries"." I don't need this stupid book" I thought but God really does know better. And so this journey begins.....

11 comments:

Debra said...

It is good that you are coming to terms with whats happening. Problems wont just "go away" if we ignore or hide from them. Since you now know and have "identified" the problem, you can start working toward a solution. I understand you are in a very difficult situation, but you cannot help anyone, if you do not help yourself first. Take care, and keep going,may you find the strength to find your way.

Barbara said...

As someone who was once married to an alcoholic, I can say that I understand what you are going through. You can't help or change someone who doesn't want it. Take care of yourself and don't stay on as a co-dependent. Until he admits he has a problem it will never get help.

Hugs XX
Barbara

The Farmer's Attic said...

Having family history which includes and included MANY (I wish I could bold that word) alcoholics and with the propensity toward alcoholism myself, I am so very thankful that God saved me for Himself and from myself!!!

Keep searching God's will for your life and the life of the children. God is faithful!!! Pray, pray, pray!

Lucy

Prov 3:5-6

Sugar Bush Primitives said...

Hugs to you. I grew up with an alcoholic dad. He found life overwhelming (my mother died when she was 32) and that was how his mother dealt with it and that's how he dealt with it. I am praying for you and your family. It's a difficult journey.

Baggaraggs: said...

Cathy,

I am praying for you. It takes a special kind of courage to take this journey. You can do it. Be careful with yourself and be brave. This process is sometimes like taking a walk in the clouds. Its by faith. Love, Robin

Anonymous said...

I so want a better life for you....but especially for that little boy of yours. Your daughter is older but he is so young. I am going to pray as hard as I can for you. Believe me. I will be without a home very soon and I am also trying to be brave.
Linda the Mousemaker for OFG

Valley Primitives Gift Shoppe said...

{{{Cathy}}} May God give you strength, courage, and peace!
Kim

Babette said...

Cathy, I just want you to know how many friends you have that are right behind you. So many people deal with addiction and it is never an easy journey, but you have taken the first step on that long road back. Find a councelor for yourself and your kids, Al-non is a great place to help you put your life in perspective. My son struggled with drug and alcohol addiction a few years ago and I remember those feelings of floating in a black sea of despair. I found the Joel Osteen book "Your Best Life Now" to be a huge help with depression. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Babette ~Print Me Prim

yorkie's primitives said...

Cathy, I grew up with brothers that were alcoholics and I can understand somewhat what you are going through. I will keep you in my prayers and you just keep letting God lead you. There are groups out there for people who live with alcoholics and it can really help if you can share your heartaches with someone in the same place as you are. I pray that you find one to help you have someone to talk so that you don't feel so alone. God bless you, Valerie

Vicky said...

It takes a 'brave face' to come out in public and discuss your problem. Think of the many out 'there' that you may be helping and, in turn, helping yourself. My best to you, Cathy, as you figure out what's best for you and your family.
}}Hugs{{

Vicky said...
This comment has been removed by the author.

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