March 24, 2010

Family

I have to tell that today I am very sad. I don't normally write about such unhappiness in my life but feel the need to. Since my father's death it seems like my whole family has unravelled. Constant fighting, people jockeying for my mother's attention and some folks taking full advantage of her with their sympathy pleas for $$$.

I won't go into my family's problems, you wouldn't understand all there complexities but I'm sure some of you have your own and know how family's can be. My sister in law whom I have considered my sister for over 30 years has turned her back on me. Ever since the day of my divorce hearing she won't talk to me, emailed me that she wants nothing to do with me ever again. That I am to negative. WHAT???? How on earth do you equate sadness, heart ache, complete loss with negativeness. Yes, I was not happy and yes, I was crying off and on. 18 years of marriage is a very long time to be with someone good or bad and it is devastating to throw it all away. Something I think she will never have to go through and not ever understand. But she has ALWAYS been there for me as I have ALWAYS been there for her.

Being blamed for her medical problems that ensued after my hearing was even more of a blow to me. Not to mention the night before my divorce hearing, my other brother and his wife ripped into me for two hours for something I said. I swear I'm living a nightmare, someone please wake me up, please. I don't claim to be innocent. I was not very nice to my family the night before my hearing. I was after all, a nervous wreck and depressed beyond measure. Something I thought people could have figured out and would have tried to be a bit more tolerant of my mood. But once again, I was wrong.

I realize now that most people can't or won't or simply just to selfish to really care when you need them the most. I also think that I place to much accountability and hope on my family that they will really be there for me in my darkest hours. It's just not true. They are to self involved in their own life and I really don't matter to them. That hurts. But I do know that coming to that decision has freed me. I know it sounds ironic, but it is true. I feel free now that I have set them free from me. I wrote my one sister in law and set her free of all connection to me, then I wished her well, hoped for a full life without me.

Someday I feel God will set it right, but until then I am thankful for all the friends who did stand by me and hold my hand as I walked a path of uncertainty, darkness and despair. They truly are my family and I am humbly grateful for them.

I have since moved back with my husband and things are ok. I will continue to take one day at a time and believe that I am in the hands of the Almighty and he really does know best. Trusting him sometimes can be very scary but Job (found in the Bible) made it through much more heart ache than I have been in, so I think I can too! Thanks my friends for walking beside me in some of my darkness hours...I do see the sunlight coming over the horizon now. God bless, Cathy

6 comments:

sassypackrat said...

Oh I feel for you! When I divorced my husband, his entire side of the family disowned me and my children. Initially I was so sad and hurt but then came to realize they weren't the kind of people I want and need in my life. Wishing you the best!

Shelly said...

Unfortunately, I'm all too familiar with the whole family unraveling scenario. And it HURTS!

However, remarkably you find "family" in other ways in time. Friends and Community have been the glue that has helped me from unraveling.

Be good to you and look for the little blessings right now. Step outside of yourself a bit more by helping others, even if it's only in the little things. Surprise people with little gestures,,,they'll love it, but You'll get much more back than you give!

Hugs!
Shell

Speaking of giving,,,it's the last day of my Blog giveaway if you'd like to "hop" over and enter!

A Creative Dream... said...

Oh, Cathy...I so feel for you. In 1985, when I married, my father and his family disowned me because I married someone they did not like. Later, when my mother died, the person she had put in her will as the administrator of her estate refused to do the job, and my younger brother wanted it. I refused to agree to that, I felt it needed to be someone totally independent, or all three of us kids, that way there would be NO reason later to feel that someone had been left out of something. He hasn't spoken to me since. My niece ingratiated herself with my father, and convinced him to sign the family farm over to her, leaving ALL of his children out in the cold...which he did, she then had him declared incompetent (AFTER the land transfer, of course) because he showed signs of early symptoms of Alzheimer's...and became his "guardian"...once she had his bank account, she had him committed to a nursing home...That doesn't even BEGIN to recount what my ex's family (7 sisters, all of whom worshiped him) were like once we divorced...Yeah, I so understand ya girlfriend...

Know this...as empty as it sounds, because they are only words...but from what I know of you, you are a beautiful, strong, wonderful woman who just doesn't yet realize her own worth. There are many of us who do...and we do care very much about what happens to you.

People will come and go through our lives, and sometimes it is an easy transition, and sometimes it is like having your beating heart ripped from your chest...the pain is tough, but there are lessons in it. Sometimes difficult to find, granted, but they are there.

My friend Joyce often reminds me that a woman is like a tea bag, she doesn't realize her full potential until she is in hot water. Keep growing my friend...you are growing into who you really are, and I think you are just fine.

Noelle Garrett Designs said...

Hi Cathy,

Thanks so much for all your sweet comments. I am so sorry you are going through such a difficult time. I know how family can be and it's sad when it falls apart. Take care and sending many blessings to you!

hugs,
Carrie

JaN's ArTy AtC JouRneY said...

Just catching up here, Sorry to hear that you have been going a through a difficult time of late. I hope things are improving for you now, Wishing you peace and happiness!!

Jan x

Cookie said...

Cathy - I just wanted to let you know I pray for you. I know it's hard to "rise above" the nonsense that seems to go on sometimes, but turn all of this over to God and ask Him to buffer you from the accusations and finger pointing.
It's just not worth your energy ... find the joy, sister!

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